As Psychotherapists, we unfortunately hear so many horrible stories about what people had to experience in childhood. We wanted to start organizing our thoughts and insights on this and related topics through our blog. The goal is to create a resource for you to refer to to help yourself or someone you know make sense of an experience.

We view childhood neglect as a type of relational trauma, one that leaves deep and complex scars on our developmental trajectory. Some primer texts we suggest are: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher. Also our other article on ACEs would also be illuminating.

Is Childhood Neglect a Trauma? Obviously no 2 people are alike, and we just don’t know enough about why some events lead to more severe impacts on some people over others. At YYZ Talks, we work with the model that childhood neglect hurts, and we’ll explore how much it hurts, and how it’s impacted you at your speed. If you don’t want us to call it big-T Trauma, we can call it little-T trauma, or just neglect. We’re less hung up on the semantics, and more interested in helping you understand yourself, heal and grow.

Childhood neglect occurs when a child’s basic emotional, physical, and psychological needs are not adequately met, leading to significant and long-lasting developmental impacts. Given that your caregivers are also implicitly teaching you about what you can expect about the world, it’s impossible to underestimate their importance. During our childhood we’re constantly learning about our place in the world, and if we feel rejected, or disconnected as kids, it packs a punch as we extrapolate that to our expectations of others. Here’s a brief breakdown of how neglect affects a child:

Childhood neglect occurs when a child’s basic emotional, physical, and psychological needs are not adequately met, leading to significant and long-lasting developmental impacts. Here’s a breakdown of how neglect affects a child:

1. Brain Development: Neglect hinders healthy brain development. The lack of stimulation, emotional engagement, and proper care can impair the formation of crucial neural connections. This can weaken areas of the brain responsible for learning, emotional regulation, and impulse control, making it harder for neglected children to process emotions or think clearly under stress. What does this look like in session? We often note that our clients may struggle with impulse control, and thinking about what they’re feeling is not easy. 

2. Emotional Regulation: A child who experiences neglect often struggles to manage emotions. Without consistent caregiving and emotional support, the child doesn’t learn how to regulate their feelings, leading to increased anxiety, depression, or emotional numbness. The stress from neglect can keep the body in a constant fight-or-flight state, making it difficult to feel calm or safe. What does this look like in session? Clients may struggle with emotional regulation, experiencing angry outbursts in life that leave them confused afterwards. 

3. Attachment and Relationships: Neglected children frequently have trouble forming healthy relationships. They often lack a secure attachment with caregivers, leading to difficulties trusting others or developing close bonds. In adulthood, this can manifest as fear of intimacy, emotional distance, or dependency on unhealthy relationships.

4. Sense of Self and Self-Esteem: When a child’s basic emotional needs are ignored, they may internalize feelings of worthlessness. A neglected child might feel unimportant or invisible, leading to deep-seated insecurities and a poor self-image that lasts into adulthood.

5. Physical Health and Development: Neglect can also have physical consequences. Poor nutrition, lack of medical care, or an unsafe environment can delay physical development and lead to chronic health issues. Additionally, the body may carry the stress of neglect, resulting in long-term physical tension or illness.

6. Cognitive and Social Development: Without adequate stimulation and interaction, neglected children may fall behind in cognitive and social skills. They might struggle in school, have difficulty focusing, or lack the ability to engage appropriately with peers. This can hinder their ability to succeed academically and socially later in life.

7. Coping Mechanisms: Children who experience neglect often develop unhealthy coping strategies, such as emotional withdrawal, dissociation, or substance use, to manage their pain and lack of connection. These coping mechanisms may provide temporary relief but can lead to further psychological challenges as they grow older.

In essence, childhood neglect profoundly impacts a child’s emotional, cognitive, and physical development, often leading to difficulties in forming healthy relationships, managing emotions, and developing a strong sense of self.

All of this captures the importance of a Psychotherapist that understands how the past affects your experience of the present. Just because you’re an adult now does not mean you automatically learn all of these skills, and that the impacts of neglect are erased. They are often adapted around, or there are understandable but frustrating attempts to force the world around their unmet needs. We often have clients come in for anger management, stress management, relationship issues, anxiety, depression, but we find that underneath that symptom, lies a deep wound of neglect

At YYZ Talks, all of our therapists have training in understanding the power of your past, and will help you gain a deeper understanding of what’s really going on under the hood, and what can be done about it. Our Clinical Director could talk your ear off for days on this matter, and can be booked for a free consult. Reach out today